Drifting Away From The Path
by faith davis okay
Summary: This is a story about Jared Leto and Gerard Way. It is about wanting to get away from the life you have been given when you feel like you can't push on any longer; when the depression becomes too much. The two are teens in the story, and best friends.


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** Drifting Away From the Path**

Sometimes I worry about my friend, Gerard. He's always saying things like, 'I'm so sick of living,' 'I just want to go,' and 'It won't matter soon.' He's expressed to me that he's wanted to commit suicide. Every time he tells me about things like that, he seems so upset. He said he didn't feel comfortable talking about it with his parents. I wouldn't either if I were him.

I remember when we ran away together for a couple of days. It was late in June. We had been out of school or a couple of weeks. It was this year, actually. Now we're both in 10th grade. It is five weeks into school. I swear that I hate it, and so does Gerard. We skipped school today, and now it's 4:30 in the afternoon. Neither one of us wanted to go home. It was one of those harsh times when nothing really interested either of us. It was like we were neglecting the world, hanging out with each other instead.

The whole thing about our friendship has always been that we had to just hang on, no matter how hard things got. But now it felt like the rope was breaking. Slowly, the strands were snapping and unraveling. It seemed the weight was too much for the rope to take anymore.

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"Jared?" Gerard asked. "Yes?" I replied. "I don't want to go home today. I can't stand to see that house. It's like, nothing matters. That's just the best I can explain it," he said. "Okay. Maybe we can hang out until, like, midnight or something. Your parents shouldn't be awake then, right?" "Yeah, I guess. I could…. sneak in through the window. What are you going to do?" "Just walk in the door," I said. "I feel like they don't care what happens to me. They just go to the casino and shit. Have your parents talked to you lately? I asked. "Well, no….Only when my dad called me dumb. Mum hasn't spoken to me," he said.

"You hate them, don't you?" I asked. "Nope. I don't know. Maybe. Do you hate your parents?" "Hell yes," I said. We hung out until 12:30 a.m., when I walked Gerard home. Then I walked to my house. I could see the lights that were turned on in the house. I sighed and walked into the house, closing the door behind me. I didn't see my parents anywhere.

I walked up the creaky stairs and into my room. I laid down on the floor, even though I did have a bed. I guess I just didn't like it today or something. Maybe I was just depressed. I woke up on the floor at 7:39 a.m. I was pretty much already dressed. It was kind of like a wind-up toy.

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When I got to school, I was disappointed because I didn't see Gerard anywhere. I waited until lunch time, but he didn't show then either. I sighed. I hated school, but it tended to be even worse when your friends aren't there. I put my arms under the table and texted Gerard.

Me: where r u?

Gerard: at home. When I got back last night, mom was dead with the hairdryer in the tub.

Me: are you okay, Gee? Oh my god!

Gerard: no, she's dead, and dad doesn't even care!

Me: do you want to meet some place?

Gerard: Sure. How about the coffee shop?

Me: Cool. I'll meet you there.

I met Gerard at the coffee shop. He looked like a train wreck. His hair was messy, his clothes looked as if he didn't care what he wore, and his eyes were vacant and sad. I felt bad for my beloved friend. It made me realize that I didn't hate my parents. He'd just lost one of his. Hmmm…maybe I should've thought about it harder.

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Maybe I'm the lucky one.

I hugged him when I first saw him, and he started crying. I wondered why people did that. I gently sat him down on the bench and then sat down. "You'll be okay," I said, holding him close. "She was dead when I came home, Jared, she was dead." I ran my fingers through his sleek, black, shoulder-length hair. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be dead. I'd still be there, but I'd be underground, in a jar in the form of ashes, or preserved. The first one sounds the most realistic. I'm pretty sure it would be fairly creepy to have a life- like corpse lying around somewhere. Everyone seems so afraid of death. Maybe they're afraid of people they love dying, or in most cases, themselves. Either way, they're scared.

I ordered coffee for the two of us. Gerard loved coffee, but today, he didn't touch it. He seemed uninterested in anything he enjoyed prior to Delilah's death. "I'm not going to my dad's house anytime soon," Gerard said. "Do you want to run away?" I asked. "I mean, sure….as long as we could get back for the funeral," he replied. "Okay. We can go to your house, get your stuff, then go to my house and get mine," I said. We walked to his house and cut through the alleyway. I boosted him up to his bedroom window. He climbed in. five minutes later, he tossed me his bag.

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I put it down and opened my arms to receive him. He jumped, and I caught him. He was light as a feather. I put him down, and then he picked up his bag. We walked to my house, and I walked in the back door, got my shit, and walked right past my mom to the door. Stupid bitch, yes she is, because she didn't say anything to me. I walked back to the sidewalk, where our journey began.

We slowly walked all the way to the park. It wasn't hot outside, but it wasn't cold either, which falls into the category I like to call perfect. I wasn't even worried when we were running way this time. I wasn't angry, happy, or sad at all. The weather and I matched, although it was very strange.

As I thought about this weather, I remembered what happened the last time we fled: it got colder at night. Luckily, I brought a blanket. I'm sure he had as well. We sat by the blue water at the park for a while, and we just talked. "I know I said I hated my parents, but I'd just do anything to have her back. I was being so ungrateful. I wish I would've shown her how much I love her

If I could do that, I would be the happiest person in the world. "You're right, Gee. You're totally right. I'm sorry. Do you want to pretend?" I asked. "No, just wish she was here. Just leave it at that. That

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would be perfect." I smiled without my teeth for the knowledge that we both felt peace.

At about 4:30 or so, Gerard and I were lying on a hillside, eating candy. It wasn't something we ate often, but I heard it cheered people up a little. "Jared?" he asked, taking a lollipop out of his mouth. "Yeah?" I answered. "I really love you." "I love you too. You're the best friend I've ever had," I said. Again, the feeling was mutual. At that moment, I was happy.

Later that day, at 6:27, (according to my watch), we went back to the park. We found a little spot under an oak tree to sleep. We settled in and got comfortable. We couldn't exactly stay out or take walks or anything, because it was dark outside already. We fell asleep sometime around 10:30 p.m. We were sleeping directly beside each other for added warmth.

The next day, I woke up a little earlier than usual, for which I blame the cold air and the discomfort of the nearly frozen, leaf-covered ground. It was a quarter to 7:00 a.m. Although he looked very peaceful in slumber, I woke him up. "Hey, do you want to get up?" I asked, sitting up. "Yeah, I'm getting up now." We gathered our blankets. I folded them into squares, because Gerard didn't know how to fold his.

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There were two days until the funeral…..at least that's what Gerard told me. I was a tiny bit suspicious about a little lie there because he'd stuttered when he told me. On the other hand, I definitely don't blame him for not wanting to go if he'd really told the lie. We sat on a bench under some trees, eating berries from them. I could remember them from last time. The taste was sweet and tart at the same time. I smiled as fond memories flashed in my mind. "What is it, Jared?" Gerard asked. "Remember when I jumped out the window and landed on the windshield of your dad's car?"

"Yeah," he said. I could tell he was remembering it as well. "What about when your parents got married…..and we went to the woods and built that little boat? We floated away until the sun went down." It was as if the boat was supposed to be assembled there, because all of the parts were there, barely touched. "I hated the wedding, but that place was awesome, wasn't it?" "It was," he said. "What do you think about going back?" he asked optimistically. "I'm in. I still know my way back," I said, picturing it in my mind.

I got up and climbed the tree to get a look at what I couldn't see sitting down. "We can go now, actually," I said after I jumped back to the ground. "Really?" he asked. "Hell yeah," I replied. And so we went. We walked for two and a half hours until we finally reached the place

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my parents had gotten married. In my memory, it had saved itself a place. The trees that were now missing their leaves used to be beautiful flower trees. I remember putting the boat in the shed that only the two of us knew about. Now, although the old thing was falling apart, I knew somehow that our boat was still in there.

After I opened the door, we slowly walked in. I could smell wet wood, and see spider webs on the ceiling. Gerard smiled at me when we caught sight of our boat. "Jared….?" "Yeah?" "I can't believe it's still here." With a smile, I said, "Well, let's get it out of here." With teamwork as the only tool necessary, we carried it out to the water. I was so surprised at the good condition it was in! It had been about four years!

My parents didn't get married until I was twelve years old. It was kind of weird, because they lived in the same house and everything. I mean, I was rooting for them to break up, but hey, that obviously didn't work. Talk about awkward!

I carefully got into the oddly-shaped boat, then took Gerard's hand and helped him into it. We paddled with our arms. It was kind of magical, really. "I don't know what I'm going to say to my dad, Jared."

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"What do you mean?" I asked. "Going missing for three days with no communication or explanation whatsoever, then showing up at the funeral like nothing happened," he retorted as if it were palpable. For some reason that I was completely oblivious to, he seemed a little frustrated. "Well, do you want to go home that day? You know, we could stay missing forever if we really fucking wanted, you know? Like one of those odd movies, you could show up under cover and make a break for it when it's over," I said. Gerard laughed.

"Yeah, I wish, but where would we go?" he inquired. "Where? Anywhere, really. The way I see it, it doesn't really matter as long as we're gone," I said. "I've never really thought about things in that way," Gerard said, making a face that told me he was trying to think about it. I smiled and took my arms out of the cool water. At last, we'd just float. Paddling with your arms is very tiring.

I used to think that water this still should've been frozen already. Now I know that doesn't happen until late December or even sometime in January. I dried his hands off with one of the blankets, and then did the same for myself. Today was slightly colder than yesterday. I wanted Gerard to be happy, but was I succeeding? The world may never know. "Do you think you'll be in trouble with your dad?" I asked, hoping for a

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'no.' "Well, I don't know. Last time, my mom was around, so I wasn't in trouble. She was always so gentle…..but maybe. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. What about yours?" he asked.

"They probably won't care. They don't care about me. They're probably hoping I'm dead" I felt hot tears making their way down my cheeks. I wished the boat would just tip over so he wouldn't notice I was crying, because I never cry. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. It's okay. I care about you," Gerard told me. "Who cares what they say? A couple of years and you won't even have to speak to them. Screw them, Jared. Screw them." I was a little dejected about my parents. "You're the best," I said. I felt like nothing mattered at that point, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.

I laid down in the boat. "Come on, Gerard," I said, my arms out. I guess he caught onto what I meant for him to do, because he laid almost all the way on top of me, his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, running my hands through his hair.

That sweet, beautiful, pleasant, affectionate creature in my arms meant so much to me. I would give my life for him. I've known him since I was about four years old, so that's, like, thirteen years! I wouldn't trade him for anything in the entire world. Not women or

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riches; not fortune or fame. He means the world to me, and you can't replace that. No one can. He's the best thing I'll ever have. And for that, I owe him everything.

As we floated across the water, I thought about that. He was lying on my chest, his eyes closed. I didn't care. All I know is I'll cherish this moment for the rest of my life because it's truly priceless. I don't know how long we had been in the boat, but for that, I guessed it had been a couple of hours. We paddled back, and yes, we made it back to the edge of the water. It was one of the best times I've ever had. Most people would say the best time of their lives was prom or their twenty-first birthday. I'm pleased by simple moments.

We put the boat back in the shed and decided we might revisit it someday. We agreed to sneak into the school so we could shower. We went in as 'late students.' That school wouldn't suspect a thing. The two of us went straight to the locker rooms, because it was shower time for the students who had gym that hour, which included Gerard and I. We fit right in. For some reason I don't know, none of the students asked us where we had been. Well, I guess some of them may have sensed we were up to something, and didn't want to blow our cover. Usually, when someone is up to something at our school, others just turn their

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heads.

We quickly showered, changed, and got the hell out of there before any administration noticed us. And you might say, 'duh, Leto. There are cameras.' Yeah, I know. I just don't care. See if I care when I'm in danger of dropping out, and getting nowhere in life. Someone (whose name I'm failing to remember right now) said that you could get all A's in school, but still fail life. That is true, but I'm failing both. I guess I'll have to wait to see the full outcome, but let's just live in the present.

"Gee?" I asked. "Yes?" "I just wanted to tell you that we'll be okay. We're going to make it, alright?" He smiled and hugged me. "We can do it," he whispered. I could tell that we had the belief in common. We slept in the same park as the previous night. It was cold and somewhat wet, but it was better than sleeping on my own bed. The next day was Friday. Gerard and I didn't wake up until 9:30 a.m. Yes, I still had on my watch. We went to the store and got some cheap breakfast, and our day went alright. It was the last day we'd be runaways.

Before we knew it, Saturday's sun had risen. "It's been fun, huh?" I asked. "Yeah, there's just _one_ problem: I don't know my way to the funeral home," he admitted. "You mean, the way from your house, or

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here?" I inquired. "I don't know any way at all." "Okay, well, I can write you directions," I said. I wrote down directions on his arm. "I don't get it. I-I don't understand them, Jared." "Oh, well, do you want me to take you?" I asked. "Will you?" he asked. "Yeah, we can sneak around to your house so you can get dressed, then go," I said. "Thank you," he said.

We walked to his house. He went in and came out in nine minutes. His room is on the second floor! "Jump," I said just above a whisper, my arms out. He seemed a little apprehensive about jumping, but he jumped all right. I caught him, and it brought back the memory of when we left three days ago. Gerard was wearing a red tie, black pants, and a black dress shirt and dress coat. "You look nice," I complimented; a smile I hoped would cheer him up spread across my lips. "Thanks," he said.

I walked him to the beginning of the block that the funeral home was on. "You can do this, Gerard. I love you," I said and kissed his forehead. "Thank you so much," he said before hugging me tight. "You're the best person in the world," he said. He clenched his teeth, nearly silent sobs escaping him as tears cascaded his cold, pale cheeks. "It's okay. You can come straight to my house afterward if you need. Whatever it is you need, I'm here, no matter what."

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I ran a hand through his hair and motioned for him to go; he would be late if he didn't. He nodded and walked away. The leaves blew around in the wind as I walked home. Fearlessly, I walked right through the front door. My dad was watching TV just as he was when I departed. It made me feel like everything always stayed the same, no matter what.

I walked to my room and put my bag beside the door. I took off my clothes, put on my robe, and went to the bathroom for a shower. I turned on the water and sat down, letting the steamy liquid soak me. After washing, I found myself just sitting in the water. I'm guessing it was about forty-five minutes or so. After that, I went back to my room, which smelled kind of stale.

Later on, Gerard showed up. It was sometime around 5:30 p.m. A knock sounded on the door shortly before I heard my mother call, "Jared, it's for you!" She probably didn't even look who was at the door. I went downstairs and invited him into my room. "How are you feeling?" I asked, making the assumption that he was feeling depressed. "I don't know," he said, looking down at the rose in his hand. "Aunt Marie gave it to me," he said and looked at me, his unique-colored eyes glittering.

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He was still wearing what he wore to the funeral, so it was tacit that he hadn't returned home yet. "I didn't have any flowers to give mum, so she gave me this rose. I was too scared to put it on mum….so I just kept it," he said and began to sob. "Why did she have to go?" Gerard asked. I embraced my now shaking friend. "I can't do this anymore. It's too much!" he nearly screamed. "It's okay. You can, you can. Hang on, Gerard. Please just hang on."

I understand that he was mad about his mother, but I really hoped he would listen to me. He continued with his fit of tears. I held him close, and he clung to me as if I were a branch he managed to grab when falling off of a cliff. "Shh." "Jared?" "Yes, sweetheart?" " I'm sorry for being a whiney bitch. I'm sorry." "No, Gerard. Your mother passed away. Darling, it's okay to cry. Just think, you're not harming yourself or doing drugs. I'm proud of you. Your mom would be too. She loved you."

I laid with him, and he fell asleep about fifteen minutes later. I just hoped my parents wouldn't come in. My hope was squashed when my dad walked in. Gerard was lying right next to me, one of his arms wrapped around me. "What are you doing? Where have you been all of these days?" he asked. He didn't seem angry about it. "I was with

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Gerard," I replied. "You're sleeping together now?" he asked. "What kind of _'sleeping together'_ do you mean?" I asked softly so I wouldn't wake Gerard. "Both." "Well, not the intimate one. You know I'm heterosexual anyway. We're friends, and his mother just died," I whispered. "That kid is always fucked up about something, isn't he? He's such a dumbass bitch," my dad said ad walked out of the room. I sighed. But my dad has no effect on my decisions, so fuck what he says all the way.

I'd tell everyone to ignore their parents, because half the time they don't even care at all. That is, if your parents are like mine. But hey, the grass is always greener on the other side. That's just how life is sometimes.

**-THE End-**

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ment here...


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